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She told me: “Tim is a great guy who treats me like a queen.
But as nice and handsome as he is, I’m just not attracted to him.” When I asked Janie the magic question: “Have you ever been physically attracted to Tim? “I needed to get out of my house because my parents were both terrible alcoholics and Tim promised to take care of me—the rest is history.” Wendy and her husband Larry presented for couple’s therapy because Wendy lost desire for Larry; she hadn’t slept with him for almost two years.
Larry was a handsome man who according to Wendy was also a dedicated husband and father to their three children. I guess I never thought that physical attraction was that important.
Nevertheless, Wendy admitted in an individual session that she was never physically attracted to Larry. Now, it’s something I really miss and I just can’t get myself to want Larry.
I had sex with Sarah for years but it was never that good.
However, in an individual session Seth admitted to me that he was never very attracted to Sarah: “She’s not my type: I like tall brunettes.
In this sense, you either have it from the beginning or…
Let me be clear, I’m not saying that a lack of physical attraction will necessarily mean the demise of a marriage.
In nearly 35 years of practicing couple’s therapy I’ve never seen a partner “get it” when they “never had it” to begin with.
I’ve seen a few who “had some” and “grew more,” but even those that were attracted to non-physical aspects of their partners (such as intellect) couldn’t seem to harvest a physical attraction.